Right with the launch of the new Evil Dead movie this got me thinking about female horror creatures. And then it got me thinking about, well, which one could swallow my soul? Let’s face it, of all the zombies, vampires, werewolves, Franken-creatures, ghosts, demons, aliens, sirens, Medusas, and other awful creatures that exist in the here and now, I’m gonna want to go out in style. It has to be glorious. They have to be monstrous, ugly, make me piss, crap and vomit myself scary. I want to know that I’ll be flayed alive or live in some god-awful eternal damnation if I have to be taken out. If I’m gonna be taken out by a soul-swallowing monster it’s gonna have to be one of these beautiful looking femme fatales.
Mrs. Massey – The Shining
This woman is all kinds of swallow my soul; she’s a naked decaying ghost in a bathtub full of blood. And she wants YOU! She’s ready to give her body and soul to you, in exchange for, well, eternity in a damned hotel on a hillside. If she’s good enough for Jack…
Santanico Pandemonium – From Dusk til Dawn
I know. I know. Vampire, but this Robert Rodriquez vampire is hot hot hot in human form and scary ugly hot in vampire form. It’s a smorgasbord of everything you want. In Rodriguez’s little vampire tale, these demons from centuries past are hungry. They ain’t looking to turn more vampires, they are looking to flay you into a thousand little pieces; a fitting end for any monster victim. Plus she’s played by Salma Hayek, and who doesn’t want her swallowing their soul?
Sil – Species
I have a Natascha Henstridge and H. R. Gieger thing and combining the two is pure magic. Species was actually a fun movie in my book and I enjoy watching it even today. Yes this is more of a science fiction monster and not a horror monster but she is one horny creature, looking for male hosts to give their seed to her hungry egg. With her tongue you know she’ll be able to reach right down into the heart of your soul and swallow you right up.
Kayako – Ju-on
This Japanese ghost from the creepy as hell Japanese ghost story, makes creaking noises as it moves, walks in any position, and it’s broken bones rattle. This is all kinds of hot. And scary. Since she can pretty much bend and fold into any position you know she’ll make a go of scaring the hell out of you while taking your soul in.
Possessed Henrietta – Evil Dead 2
Ahhh Henrietta, you may very well be the hottest soul-swallower around. In fact didn’t you coin the phrase, “I’ll swallow you soul”? Your fat, bloated, decaying, naked flesh is just way too hot to pass up. You can float too, there is magic in that. Ash may not have wanted any of that, but I give myself to you. You can swallow my soul anytime baby cakes.